hizzy19
05-22-2006, 04:20 PM
Understanding Engineers Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi, George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh,
yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said
he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer
said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and
you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers
believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers
build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog, now that's cool."
:humble:
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi, George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh,
yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said
he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer
said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and
you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers
believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers
build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog, now that's cool."
:humble: