flyaddict
07-27-2005, 10:09 AM
Im not a big fan of forwards, but this morning I feel the need.
Optical Illusion
http://richstevens.thinkfulsolutions.com/unreal.swf
(Sorry for the formatting, I dont have time to fix it)
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As
> much as we try to
> convince
>
> ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For
> those who hate
>
> pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for
> taking a dump at
> work.
>
>
>
> CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around
> the office so the
> smell
>
> is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff
> but doesn't know
> where it came
>
> from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
> the full fart has
> been expelled.
>
> Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
> left your pants.
>
>
>
> FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom
> before pooping. Walk
> in
>
> and check for other poopers. If there are others in
> the bathroom, leave
> and
>
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
> FLYER. People may
>
> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
> into the bathroom.
>
>
>
> ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking
> a leak at the urinal
> or
>
> forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually
> accompanied by a sudden wave
> of
>
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
> acknowledge it.
>
> Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
> to the farter in the
> urinal,
>
> pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
> escapee. It is
> uncomfortable for
>
> all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
> parties feel uneasy.
>
>
>
> JAILBREAK:
>
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
> machine gun pace. This
> is
>
> usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
> this should happen,
> do
>
> not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> left the bathroom to
> spare
>
> everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
>
>
>
> COURTESY FLUSH:
>
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
> hits the water.
>
> This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to
> stink up the
> bathroom.
>
> This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
> OF SHAME.
>
>
>
> WALK OF SHAME:
>
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
> after you have just
> stunk
>
> up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
> moment if someone
>
> walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
> pretend that the
> smell does not
>
> exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided
> with the use of the
>
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
>
> This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn
> proud of it. You will
>
> often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
> bathroom with a
> newspaper or
>
> magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
> the office for the Out
> Of
>
> The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):
>
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> emergency pooping goes
> off
>
> without incident. This group can help you to monitor
> the whereabouts of
> Out
>
> Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>
>
> SAFE HAVENS:
>
> A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in
> the building where
> you
>
> can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
> predominantly of the
> opposite sex.
>
> This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
> entering the bathroom.
>
>
>
> TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize
> that you are in the
> stall
>
> and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
> most shocking and
>
> vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop
> at work If this
> occurs,
>
> remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
> This way you will
> avoid
>
> all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>
>
> CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new
>
> entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall
> is called a
> Camo-Cough.
>
> This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> alert potential Turd
> Burglars.
>
> The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in
> conjunction with an
> ASTAIRE.
>
>
>
> ASTAIRE: An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is
> used to alert potential
> Turd
>
> Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will
> all doubt that the
> stall
>
> is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the
> bathroom immediately so
> the
>
> pooper can poop in peace.
>
>
>
> WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates
> a loud splash when
>
> hitting the toilet water. This is also an
> embarrassing incident. If you
> feel
>
> a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
> CAMO-COUGH.
>
>
>
> HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a
> series of loud splashes
> in
>
> the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee.
> Try using a
> Camo-Cough
>
> with an Astaire.
>
>
>
> UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who
> seems to linger around
>
> forever. This person could spend extended lengths of
> time in front of
> the
>
> mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it
> difficult to relax
>
> while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
> poop when the
> bathroom is
>
> empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom
> attendees. Hope the
>
> Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an
> inevitable part of life
Optical Illusion
http://richstevens.thinkfulsolutions.com/unreal.swf
(Sorry for the formatting, I dont have time to fix it)
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
>
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As
> much as we try to
> convince
>
> ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For
> those who hate
>
> pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for
> taking a dump at
> work.
>
>
>
> CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around
> the office so the
> smell
>
> is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff
> but doesn't know
> where it came
>
> from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
> the full fart has
> been expelled.
>
> Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
> left your pants.
>
>
>
> FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom
> before pooping. Walk
> in
>
> and check for other poopers. If there are others in
> the bathroom, leave
> and
>
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
> FLYER. People may
>
> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
> into the bathroom.
>
>
>
> ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking
> a leak at the urinal
> or
>
> forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually
> accompanied by a sudden wave
> of
>
> embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
> acknowledge it.
>
> Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
> to the farter in the
> urinal,
>
> pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
> escapee. It is
> uncomfortable for
>
> all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
> parties feel uneasy.
>
>
>
> JAILBREAK:
>
> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a
> machine gun pace. This
> is
>
> usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If
> this should happen,
> do
>
> not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
> left the bathroom to
> spare
>
> everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
>
>
>
> COURTESY FLUSH:
>
> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
> hits the water.
>
> This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to
> stink up the
> bathroom.
>
> This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
> OF SHAME.
>
>
>
> WALK OF SHAME:
>
> Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door
> after you have just
> stunk
>
> up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable
> moment if someone
>
> walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
> pretend that the
> smell does not
>
> exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided
> with the use of the
>
> COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>
>
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
>
> This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn
> proud of it. You will
>
> often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
> bathroom with a
> newspaper or
>
> magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
> the office for the Out
> Of
>
> The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
>
>
>
> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):
>
> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> emergency pooping goes
> off
>
> without incident. This group can help you to monitor
> the whereabouts of
> Out
>
> Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>
>
> SAFE HAVENS:
>
> A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in
> the building where
> you
>
> can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
> predominantly of the
> opposite sex.
>
> This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
> entering the bathroom.
>
>
>
> TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize
> that you are in the
> stall
>
> and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
> most shocking and
>
> vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop
> at work If this
> occurs,
>
> remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
> This way you will
> avoid
>
> all uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>
>
> CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new
>
> entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall
> is called a
> Camo-Cough.
>
> This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> alert potential Turd
> Burglars.
>
> The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in
> conjunction with an
> ASTAIRE.
>
>
>
> ASTAIRE: An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is
> used to alert potential
> Turd
>
> Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will
> all doubt that the
> stall
>
> is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the
> bathroom immediately so
> the
>
> pooper can poop in peace.
>
>
>
> WATERMELON: A watermelon is a big poop that creates
> a loud splash when
>
> hitting the toilet water. This is also an
> embarrassing incident. If you
> feel
>
> a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See
> CAMO-COUGH.
>
>
>
> HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a
> series of loud splashes
> in
>
> the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee.
> Try using a
> Camo-Cough
>
> with an Astaire.
>
>
>
> UNCLE TODD: An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who
> seems to linger around
>
> forever. This person could spend extended lengths of
> time in front of
> the
>
> mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it
> difficult to relax
>
> while on the crapper, as you should always wait to
> poop when the
> bathroom is
>
> empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom
> attendees. Hope the
>
> Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an
> inevitable part of life